Squids and Jarheads
by KJFlygirl87
Summary: AU. What if Harm and Mac had met at the Naval Academy and became friends there? Doesn’t follow the show, although some of the events and characters are actually part of the show.
1. Chapter OneThe Academy Years

**Title: **Squids 'n' Jarheads: To Everything There is A Season

**Author: **Kirsten

**Rating: **PG-13

**Summary:** AU. What if Harm and Mac had met at the Naval Academy and became friends there? Doesn't follow the show, although some of the events and characters are actually part of the show.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote this story as my own and then had the thought one day to turn it into a JAG story. It's really long but I will see if everyone likes it before continuing. I hope that you all enjoy it! Feedback is more than welcome. The song is _Keeper of the Stars_, performed by Tracy Byrd.

**Chapter One: The Academy Years**

0945 EST

25 September 1976

Classroom 216

United States Naval Academy

Annapolis, Maryland

I tear away from my lab to check my lab sheet. Good, I'm going this right. I don't want to have to go back and redo this step.

"Midshipman Mackenzie." A voice says behind me.

I come to attention, "Yes sir."

"This is Midshipman Rabb. He will be working with you."

"Thank you sir."

"Make sure that you catch him up on what you're doing."

"Of course, sir." I say as the commander leaves. I turn to look at Midshipman Rabb, "I'm working on a nuclear chem lab. Why don't you grab some goggles and some gloves."

"Sure." He says.

I then explain the lab to him and allow him to look at what I'm doing. I take a minute to look at Rabb. He's at least six feet and has about six inches on me. His dark brown hair is cut short, per Academy rules, and he has the deepest blue eyes I've ever seen.

Rabb turns to me, "Is this right, Midshipman Mackenzie?"

"Yes it is and please call me Mac."

"Harm."

"Interesting name." I say.

"I could say the same thing about you." He says and I laugh.

"Mine's a nickname. What about your's?"

"It is my father's name."

"It's very interesting." He says.

"Let's get back to work, Harm."

2145 EST

25 September 1976

Room 506

Brancroft Hall

United States Naval Academy

Annapolis, Maryland

"So, Mac, I heard that you got a new lab partner today." Joy says, putting her uniform away and sitting down on the bunk next to me.

"Yeah. Harmon Rabb." I say, tossing my volleyball up in the air and then setting it up again.

"I also heard he's cute." Joy says, smiling at me.

I sigh, "Sparky, where did you learn all of this?"

Bridget Magouirk, my other roomie, look over from her chemistry homework, "Sparks, you are being a gossip again?"

Joy look over at Bridget, "At least I'm not a bookworm like you, Magouirk."

Bridget glares at Joy before going back to her chemistry homework, "You know, Sparks, some of us actually have to study in order to do well. Some of us don't have photographic memories like you, little-miss-smarty-pants."

"Hey!" Joy says.

"Will you two quit it? I would like to get through tonight without you two killing each other." I say, glaring at both of them.

Joy look at Bridget one more time before turning back to me, "So, what was Midshipman Rabb like?"

I smile. Joy is relentless, "He's about 6'0" feet, dark brown hair, deep blue eyes."

"I know what he look likes, Mac! Now, tell me what it was like to work with him?"

"It was nothing special. You know, we said 'hi,' I explained the lab to him, and we did what we had to do."

"Mac…"

I sigh and say quietly, "He's sweet and handsome. I think that I like him."

Joy squeals, "I have to go check up on his status. See if he's dating anyone back home. You know your track record with men who are dating."

I groan, "You just had to bring that up."

"I'm so mean, aren't I?"

"You're brutal, Sparky, just brutal." I say and smile.

1105 EST

8 December 1977

Enroute to Bancroft Hall

United States Naval Academy

Annapolis, Maryland

"Midshipman Mackenzie, wait up!" I call as I see Mac ahead of me.

She turns around and smiles when she sees me rushing towards her, "Hello, Midshipman Rabb."

I give her a smile, "How was engineering?" I ask.

"Lots of fun. How was calculus?"

"My favorite class of the day. I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

Mac stiffens, "I don't know. Probably staying in a hotel downtown and just relaxing."

"Would you like to spend Christmas with me and my family at the farm?"

"I don't want to be a bother. It's Christmas."

"My grandmother wants you there. Please say you'll come." Mac and I have gotten closer over the past year. She's spent some time at Gram's farm with me last summer. She spend Thanksgiving with Doctor Ryan, who's her history professor.

"Okay, fine. Thanks, Harm."

"You're welcome. Mom and Frank are flying into BWI on the 19th. They'll pick us up on their way to the farm.

"Great. Come on, let's get back to quarters." Mac says, picking up her pace.

2410 EST

19 December 1977

The Rabb Farm

1056 Caitlyn Lane

Bellevule, Pennsylvania

I yawn and lean my head against Harm's shoulder. He smiles at me as Frank pulls the car into driveway. The farm looks huge and I can't wait to explore it with Harm.

"You awake back there?" Harm's mom, Trish, asks.

"Somewhat." I say and smile before getting out of the car to grab my bag.

Harm, instead, takes my bag and leads me into the house. It's a huge, old rambling farm house with all of the typical farm decorations. He leads me upstairs to an empty bedroom, "I hope it's okay."

"It's fine. Thank you so much, Harm." I say and turn on the light.

"I'm glad. I'll see you in the morning. Good night, Mac." He says, kissing my cheek.

I smile as he closes the hatch behind him, "Good night, Harm." I whisper.

0905 EST

20 December 1977

The Rabb Farm

1056 Caitlyn Lane

Bellevule, Pennsylvania

"Good morning." Mac says as I come into the kitchen.

I quickly head towards the coffee pot and pour myself a cup, "Good, Gram got the good stuff," I say as I take a sip and then head over to where Mac is sitting at the kitchen table, dressed in a Naval Academy sweatshirt and cowboy pajama pants, her long brown hair in a ponytail. I lean over to grab the sports section that she has thrown across the table.

"Yuck, your breath smells horrible."

"And yours doesn't?"

"Hey, at least I brush my teeth before I join the rest of civilization."

"Are we arguing over my dental hygiene?"

"Yes."

"You're worse than my DI during Plebe Summer."

She laughs, "So what are we going to do today?"

"I thought we could go sledding." I say as I motion to the food of snow sitting outside.

"How old are you?"

"What?"  
"How old are you?'

"20."

"Okay, Harmon Rabb, you are 20 years old. Don't you think that's a little too old to be going sledding?"

"No." I say as she grins at me. I roll my eyes, "You are so annoying sometimes. You do know that, right?"

She smiles, "Damn right I do. Now, I'm going to get ready for this little sledding excitement that you have planned."

I laugh and grab a cereal bowl, "Be ready in 20."

Later that night, after we have eaten dinner, I wander into the living room. I chased Mac out of the kitchen after she volunteered to do the dishes. I smile softly as I see her sleeping form on the couch, a book on her chest and her ponytail off to the side. I grab a blanket out of the drawer and spread it over her before sitting down and picking up my favorite book.

Gram comes in and I motion for her to be quiet, "Sorry, Harm. When did she fall asleep?"

"Don't know. She's so beautiful."

"She's an amazing woman, Harmon. You love her, don't you?"

"With all of my heart, Gram."

2405 EST

24 December 1977

First Congregational Church of Bellevule

1005 Main Street

Bellevule, Pennsylvania

I laugh as Harm and I walk out of the church, "That was a great service."

He smiles, "I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's one of my favorite services."

"Mine too." I say and smile.

"Hey look," he says as he points to the sky. I look up to find the night sky aglow with bright, twinkling stars, "It's so pretty."

"It's more than pretty, it's beautiful." I say and look at his face.  
"Just like you." He says before kissing me gently.

I look in the eye, "I think I've fallen in love with you, Harm."

"That's good because I've fallen in love with you, Sarah."

I smile as Harm pulls an around my waist and pulls me close, "Merry Christmas, Mac." He whispers in my ear.

"Merry Christmas, Harm."

I lean my head against his shoulder as I look up at the stars and he starts to hum and I ask, "What are you humming?"

"A song."

"Will you sing it for me?"

He smiles, "If you really want to hear it."

"Harm, sing!"

He smiles and starts to sing:

_I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars_

_He sure knew what we was doin'_

_When he joined these two hearts_

_I hold everything_

_When I hold you in my arms_

_I've got all I need_

_Thanks to the keeper of the stars_

I feel tears come to my eyes, "That was fantastic, Harm!"

He smiles, "I'm glad you think so."

"I do. And I also know that I love you, Harm."

"And I love you, Sarah." He says as he leans down and kisses me again.

I just simply smile.

2105 EST

25 December 1977

The Rabb Farm

1056 Caitlyn Lane

Bellevule, Pennsylvania

"Mac, come on. There's something outside that I want you to see." I say, grabbing my coat and Mac's off the rack and handing hers to her.

"Harm, come on. It's cold outside. Are you sure that we have to go out?"

"I'm sure." I say, feeling around in my coat pocket for the box. Good, it's still there.

I take Mac's hand and lead her outside, where there's a horse drawn sleigh. Gram keeps two horses at the farm so that she can go riding and let the local children ride them. I found the sleigh in the back of the barn the other day and knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.

"Oh, Harm, it's beautiful." She says as she looks at the two brown horses with jingle bells on their harasses and the old wooden sleigh.

"Let's take a ride." I say as I help into the sleigh and tuck the blanket around us. Picking up the reins, I cluck to the horses and I feel their powerful legs moving to pull us and the sleigh.

As we drive around the property, I take us down by the pond. The ice is thick enough for us to skate on and I stop the sleigh.

Going around the back, I pull out lanterns, matches, and two pairs of ice skates. I smile up to Mac, "Ready to go ice skating?"

"Are you kidding? I love ice skating."

The lanterns have created a circle around the pond and I pull Mac out onto the ice. She smiles and laughs as we skate around. I love to see her smile.

I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close. Letting go, I skate in front of her to stop her.

Getting down on one knee, I smile at her as I pull out the box from pocket, "Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, I know that we have more than two years left together at the Academy and I know that our future is uncertain, but I love you more than there are stars in the sky. When I first met you, I wasn't sure that our friendship would last beyond that class. But as I look back, I realize that I was wrong. Look at us. We are best friends and lovers without the Academy knowing which must count for something. You are best friend, my lover, and my other half. I love you, Sarah. Will you marry me?" I ask as I take her left hand.

"Yes." She says, through her tears. I take off her glove and slip the diamond ring onto her finger.

"I love you." I whisper in her ear.

"I love you too."

**End Chapter One.**


	2. Chapter Two: Surviving

**Author's Notes:** Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! I love them. Just a few quick notes. First of all, math has never been my strongest subject and I apologize for any mistakes made. There are my own and I'm going to keep going with the story as it is. Moving on, there are few things in this next chapter that are accurate. While I strive for my stories to be accurate, this is a story and things are going to happen my way! I'm sorry if that offends anyone but to each his own. Another thing, I'm not quite sure on procedure after midshipmen graduate from the Naval Academy, so I'm making my best guess so please bear with me. Oh, yeah, things are reversed from the show! Moving on, enjoy the story!

**Disclaimer: **I always forget this! Everyone you recognize ain't mine and anyone you don't is mine.

**Chapter Two—Surviving **

1306 EST

28 May 1979

Parade Grounds

United States Naval Academy

Annapolis, Maryland

"Lieutenant Rabb." I say, coming up to Harm and saluting him.

"Ensign Mackenzie." He says, saluting me back, "Congratulations, Mac."

"Same to you."

"You should be very proud, Mac." Trish, Harm's mother, says, "Are your parents here?"

"Um, no. But my sister is." I say as Abby comes over to where I am. Abby and I are identical twins but I'm a lot shorter than she is, "Abby, this is Lieutenant Harmon Rabb and Trish and Frank Burnett. Harm, Trish, Frank, this is my sister, Abigail Mackenzie."

"It's nice to meet you all." Abby says as she shakes hands.

Harm and I leave Abby and Harm's parents talking and go off to the side.

"Do you want to meet after all the celebrations end?" Harm asks.

"Sure. Do you want to meet at Jerry's?" I ask, pulling off my gloves.

"Great." He says, looking around before kissing me on the cheek, "See you at 2000."

"Yeah." I say as we head back to where our relatives are talking.

2001 EST

28 May 1979

Jerry's Restaurant

Annapolis, Maryland

I walk into Jerry's and spot Mac in the back, sipping on a glass of wine. I walk back and sit down next to her, "Hey." I say, kissing her cheek.

"Hey." She says.

"I'm so happy that everything is over."

"Oh, I know. Now it's just the summer cruise and then it's time for flight school!" Mac says.

"We survived. Now we can concrete on other things." I say as I smile at her.

"Like what?" she asks, a mischievous smile on her face.

"A little thing called us."

"Oh, you mean like our wedding."

"Exactly."

"I was thinking about it, Harm." She says, playing with her engagement ring, "I don't want us to be rushing into anything. We're young. We still have time."

"We may not." I interject, "You're going to Pensacola for flight school and I'm going to Korea. You never know what'll happen."

"Harm, c'mon, you know that things are uncertain. God knows that things are heating up somewhere."

"Just remember that I love you, Sarah." I say before leaning over to kiss her.

1611 EST

2 June 1986

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Quarters

U.S.S. _Seahawk_

Atlantic Ocean

"Hey, Mac, you got mail." My roommate, Dani, says as she comes in.

"Great." I say, getting down from my bunk. I have to leave in a few minutes to get ready for my next mission.

"You got one from lover-boy, another one from him, and something very official." She says, flipping through them.

"I wonder what the something very official is." I say, taking my mail. I put down the letters from Harm and open the official envelope.

I read it and then sit down, "Oh my God."

"What? What does it say?" Dani says, coming up to me and taking the letter from me.

"I'm going to Top Gun." I say.

"You're what?" Dani asks, her brown eyes staring at me.

""I'm going to Top Gun." I repeat.

"Oh my God! Congratulations! I can't believe!" Dani says as she hugs me.

"I don't believe it!" I say, smiling. I'm going to fly with the best of the best.

"Mac, I can't believe it!" Dani says.

"I have to call Harm." I say, getting up and grabbing my phone card and the letter, "I'll be right back."

Ten minutes later, I've place the call to Harm. He's stationed at Pensacola, training for the new Hornet.

"Rabb."

"Harm?"

"Mac, this is a surprise." He says. He sounds distracted.

"Harm, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mac. What can I do for you?"

"I'm going to Top Gun."

"That's great, Mac. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks Harm. I've got to go. I have a sortie in a few minutes." I say, "I love you."

"Yeah. Bye, Mac." He says.

"Bye." I hang up the phone. What's going on with Harm? He sounded so distant. Maybe he's just stressed and tired. I hope nothing's too terribly wrong.

2236 EST

15 June 1986

Lt. Stacey Bancroft's Quarters

16 Retiro Street

Naval Air Station Pensacola

Pensacola, Florida

"Would you like to come in for some coffee, Harm?" Stacey asks, pulling out her keys.

"Sure. But I can only stay for a few minutes. I have a test tomorrow." I smile at her. Stacey's pretty, with short blonde hair and gray eyes. She and I met at one of the classes and we've been having fun going out for drinks and dinner.

"Have a seat." She says, opening the door and tossing her coat over the back of a chair, "I'll put the coffee on."

Taking off my coat, I glance around her quarters. It's small, like mine, but she has added some personal touches. I pick up a picture of her with a younger man.

"That's my brother, Eric. He's at the University of Virginia. What about you? Any younger brothers or sisters?"

"Nope. My dad went missing when I was six during Vietnam and when my mom remarried, they didn't have any children."

"Eric and I are pretty close."

"That's good. I always wanted a little brother or sister."

"Trust me. They're not all they're cracked up to be." Stacey says as we sit down on the couch.

"I want kids someday."

"I think you'll make a great father." She says, putting her hand on my thigh.

"Stacey, please." I say, moving away from her. She follows me and finally I get up to get my coat, "Lieutenant Bancroft, stand down!" I yell as she tries to kiss me.

Stacey stops and stares at me, "Harm, I like you. I just want to spend some more time with you."

"I like you too, Stacey, but only as a friend. I have a fiancée who I love very much."

"She's not here right now."

"Good point but…."

"But nothing."

1503 EST

5 August 1986

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Quarters

Tactical Weapons School

Naval Air Station Miramar

Miramar, Californina

As the tears run down my face, I quickly wipe them away. Erin, my roommate, is on duty right now but I think that her watch is almost over. I stare at the ring which has been inscribed, "To my love." on the side of it. I quickly slide it into the envelope and lick it. Grabbing a pen, I address it:

_Captain Harmon Rabb_

_187 Augustus Lane_

_Naval Air Station Pensacola_

_Pensacola, Florida_

I love Harmon Rabb with all of my heart but I can't be with a man who cheats on me when we are separated. Why does this have to be so hard?

**End Chapter Two.**


	3. Chapter Three: Bravo Zulu

**Author's Notes:** Thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews! I love getting them! I know that things are historically accurate but it's fiction; a piece of my imagination. Anyway, I hope that you all enjoy the story!

**Disclaimer: **don't own JAG.

**Chapter Three: Bravo Zulu**

2106 EST

14 January 1991

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment

Apartment 204

Georgetown Heights Apartment

Georgetown

Unlocking my apartment, I switch on a light and sigh. I can't believe I'm leaving again. We leave tomorrow for the Persian Gulf. Which means I have to pack and get some sleep before Matt picks me up at 0530. Going into my bedroom, I grab my seabag out of the closet. My uniforms aren't clean but I'll have cleaned once we're underway.

I open my top drawer and pull out my extra wings. I keep them tucked away and I run my hand over them. My wings are my pride and joy. They represent all I've accomplished and all that I live for.

I need some music. Picking up the remote, I hit the play button and soft, classical music begins to play. Harm always laughed at me for listening to classical music when I needed to calm down.

Harm? Where did that come from? I haven't seen or talked to him in years.

I miss him. I miss his smile and his laugh. I wish I hadn't sent the ring back. Maybe I made a hasty decision.

Going back to the drawer, I pull out a picture of Harm. It's one of my favorites. Joy took it right after our second-year summer cruise. Harm had lifted me up and thrown me over his shoulder and Joy caught the picture as Harm was laughing. I tuck the picture into my seabag.

I wonder if Harm's going to the Gulf.

2236 EST

14 January 1991

Captain Harmon Rabb's Apartment

1665 Liberty Street

North of Union Station

Washington, D.C.

Sometimes I hate being in the military. I hate orders that take me away from everything and everyone I know. Sighing, I grab my bag and throw my uniforms in. I'll probably be wearing fatigues most of the time but I'm required to bring my dress uniforms.

I hit the remote and jazz music comes on. I love jazz and I smile as I listen to the sax and the trumpet.

My mom brought this chest when I was little and filled it with important things. I shipped here when I got my apartment. It holds some of my most special treasures. It sits at the end of my bed, completely contrasting with the rest of my modern apartment. Opening the chest, I pull out the engagement ring that Mac sent back. I have yet to figure out why Mac sent it back, without a note; just addressed to me. I miss her. She is the love of my life and I just want to see her again.

I keep digging in the chest and pull my teddy bear, a picture of my father, and my first guitar. At the bottom, I find a card that Mac sent me one year for Valentine's Day when we were third-years at the Academy. Sturgis delivered it to me and I waited until Jack and I were alone in our quarters before I opened it. It was a rather simple card but it just has one thing written on it: _To Harm, all my love, Sarah._ She didn't need to write anything else.

If Mac is going to this war, I hope that she's safe.

0334 EST

17 January 1991

Tomcat 208

Airspace over Iraq

"Alright, Matt, let's finish this mission and head home."

"Roger that, Shadow."

"Bomber One, this is Hatter One. How ya doing?"

"Hatter One, this is Bomber One. We're doing just fine. We just dropped the last of the ordinance."

"Roger that, Bomber One. We're doing fine over here. Shit, what the hell was that?"

"It looked like AAA."

"I thought we wiped out the last of them a few days ago."

"Apparently not, Shadow. Now, will you shut up and keep this damn plane in the air?"

"Do you always have to be such an ass, Matt?"

"No, but if it gets out sixes home, then I'll do it."

"Shit, the right engine just went out. Restarting power."

"It's not working, Shadow."

"Engine One is out and it's not restarting."

"Shit. We're going down, Shadow. Mayday, mayday, this is Tomcat 208. We have been hit and we're going down. Location is 41 degrees southwest latitude, 135 degrees northwest longitude."

"Shadow, good luck."

"Bravo Zulu, Matt. See you down there." I say, punching out. Harm, wherever you are, I love you.

0203 EST

4 March 1991

Desert

Iraq

"City Desk, this is Angel. We have picked up Lt. Mackenzie. Do you copy?"

"Copy that, Angel. What is your ETA?"

"City Desk, Angel's ETA home is about 14 minutes."

"Roger that, Angel."

"City Desk, requesting a medic team to be ready when we land."

"Affirmative, Angel. See you in a few."

2405 EST

4 March 1991

Captain Harmon Rabb's Quarters

Desert

Kuwait

"Captain Rabb, there's a phone call for you." Someone says, shaking my shoulder till I wake up.

"What?"

"Sir, there's a phone call for you. It's the skipper of the _JFK_." The young Marine says.

"Alright, I'm coming." I say, getting out of bed and putting on my boots and jacket.

I follow him to where the communications center is and pick up the phone, "This is Captain Rabb."

"Captain Rabb, this is Captain Jaison. You were listed as the next-of-kin for Lieutenant Sarah Mackenzie."

"Yes sir." I am? I was? When did that happen?

"Captain, I'm calling to let you know that we have successfully rescued the lieutenant and she is critical condition in sick bay. We're sending her to Ramstein in Germany for treatment."

"Thank you sir. Is there anyway I could see her?"

"I'm sure that you could meet up with at Ramstein."

"Thank you sir." I say.

"You're welcome, Captain. Good luck."

"Thanks sir." I say as we hang up.

Sarah will be okay. She has to be.

1103 EST

22 September 1991

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Room

Room 204

Base Hospital

Ramstein Air Base

Germany

"Lieutenant, I need to speak to you." Dr. Jones says as I raise the head of my bed.

"About what, sir." I ask, reminding myself that this man is a commander.

"Lieutenant, your tests show that you have a crushed knee and need surgery. We are sending to Bethesda Hospital after the surgery."

"Will it make the pain stop?" I ask quietly.

"Sarah," he says, using my first name, "Your knee is very badly crushed. It will take a few surgeries to repair the damages and you will need to learn how to walk again. Is there anyone that we call for you?"

"My friends are out at sea right now; I'm not speaking to my parents or my fiancé; I don't know where my sister or brother are. So, the answer Is no, sir." I say quietly.

"Isn't there anyone else?"

"No, it's just me. It's always been that way." I say, tears coming to my eyes.

"Alright. We're scheduling the surgery for a few days from now."

"Thank you sir." I say and turn my head to the wall.

"If you need anything, please let one of the nurses know." He says as he heads out.

_God, why did this happen to me? I mean, I was just a regular person, who happened to fly one of the most deadliest airplanes in the sky. I don't know how I can go on without Matt. He was the one person I trusted in this whole damn world. Why did this happen?_

**End Chapter Three. **


	4. Chapter Four: A Place in My Heart

**Author's Notes: **Again, thanks to everyone for their reviews. I have two more chapters for this part and then it will continue under Squids and Jarheads, Part 2. It's pretty long. Anyway, I'm glad that you are enjoying it. Oh, by the way, since we don't know Mac's birthday, I made one up. I just realized that I made a big mistake…Mac is rescued and at Ramstein in March, _not_ September. Sorry about that, folks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own JAG and I don't own the song _The Rose_.

**Chapter Four—A Place in My Heart**

1015 EST

25 March 1991

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Room

Room 204

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Bethesda, Maryland

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down before I go into Mac's room. I missed her by a few days at Ramstein and am here now, on emergency leave, to see her. I had to see her. I just had to. I'm just not really sure if she'll want me back after the pain that she has been through when it comes to us. Okay, think Marine, you need a flight plan. Just try and approach this as first trying to be friends and then you can ease back into something more with her.

I knock on the hatch and go in when I hear her quietly call "enter." I go in and find Mac sitting in a chair, her right knee propped up on pillows and a footstool.

"Mac?"

She turns around and I can see the black and blue marks all over her face, arms, and neck. She looks accusingly at me, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm listed as your next-of-kin and they called me."

"I don't want to talk to you." She says, turning back around to face the window.

I sigh and walk over so that I'm blocking her view. I hand her the dozen yellow roses that I brought with me, "A peace offering?"

She glares up at me but accepts the flowers. There's a card attached and she pulls it out. It reads:

_Sarah, I know that we parted on bad terms but I wanted you to know that I have never cheated on you. There is still a place for you in my heart, as there will always be. I still love you but I hope that we can reconnect just as friends and see what happens from there. Your Marine?_

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, "You've always been my Marine."

I kneel down and wipe the tears that have fallen, "I know that we have been through rough spots before. I just want to be your friend, Sarah and get you through this. And maybe, later, after I've gained your trust back, we can see what happens between the two of us. Can you live with that?"

"I guess that I can. But don't rush me, Harm. This may take a while."

"I will wait for you forever, Sarah." I say and smile, "By the way, today's your birthday. So I got you something."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to." I say as I pull out a small velvet box and hand it to her.

She unties the yellow ribbon and finds a gold chain with three charms on it. She looks at me questioningly, "Harm?"

"The heart is for love, the cross is for faith, and the anchor is for hope. You're going to need all three to get through the next couple of months. Will you wear it for me?"

"Of course." She says and smiles, "Thank you so much, Harm."

"Just remember, Sarah, that I'm here for you."

2020 EST

28 March 1991

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Room

Room 204

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Bethesda, Maryland

"Gin!" I say as I smile at Harm. We have been playing a card after finishing up the half cheese, half meat lovers pizza. He's been staying at my apartment in D.C. My apartment has been my safe heaven when I'm in D.C., which is not as often as I would like.

"Mac, you're the master at this game. Has anyone ever beaten you?"

"Only the girls that I learned it from." I say and smile at him. It's been a good couple of days. Harm has been here everyday, bringing me some kind of food to help with the nasty hospital food. He has also brought me books and videos.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Fire away."

"Can you tell me about what happened to you in Iraq?" he quietly asks me. My shrinks says that I should tell her but there is no way in hell that I am going to tell her about it. I doubt that I will even tell Harm.

"Why do you want to know about that?" I ask him.

"Sarah, I want to know about all the pain that you are going through. I want to help you through it."

"Harm, I don't want to talk about it."

"Mac, you have to talk to someone."

"The one person that I would tell is dead. His body is in the damn Iraqi desert right now."

"Matt?"

"Yeah. How did you know about him?"

"You two were famous. Everyone knew about you."

"Really?" I ask him, surprised. Matt and I never thought of ourselves as good, just people who were doing their jobs.

"Yeah. Can you pretend that I'm Matt and tell me?" he asks me, his puppy dog look coming on his face.

"Tell you what, Harm, I'll tell you. It has been bothering me and I have the need to talk to someone."

"I'm listening." he says, leaning back in the chair that he's sitting in.

"It started when we were just doing regular bombing runs with the bombers. The Iraqis had sent up AAA, which somehow we missed detecting because none of us had a clue that it was there until it was shooting up bullets. It was so scary, Harm. I mean, I know that I was supposed to remain calm and everything but I couldn't. I was panicking. As we were headed towards the ground, Matt told me later that the last words that he heard me say was, 'I love you, Harm.' As we hit the ground, the plane blew upon impact. I got out okay and tried to save Matt but he had internal bleeding so there was nothing that I could do. Harm, I had to save him. He was the one with a wife and two kids. It should have been me who went. He should be here now, visiting with his wife and playing with his kids. It should have been me." I say and start crying. Harm comes over and tries to hug me, but I push him off roughly. He stares back at me, taken back. I gasp when I realize what I have done, "Oh, God, Harm, I'm so sorry. I guess it's from the way that I was treated. Harm, I was raped. I don't want anyone touching me."

Harm smiles at me, "It's okay, Sarah. I understand. I'll leave you alone until you tell me that you are ready."

"Thanks, Harm. I love you. I'm sorry that I'm not in better shape."

"Sarah, the only thing that I need to hear is that you love me. That's all. Now, why don't you take a nap?"

"A nap sounds really good right now," I smile, "Will you sing me to sleep?" Harm has a wonderful voice and I love to hear him sing.

"Of course," He says and starts singing one of my favorite songs, "The Rose."

_Some say love, it is a river_

_That drowns the tender reed._

_Some say love, it is a razor._

_That leaves your soul to bleed._

_Some say love, it is a hunger,_

_An endless aching need._

_I say love, it is a flower,_

_And you its only seed._

_It's the heart, afraid of breaking,_

_That never learns to dance._

_It's the dream, afraid of waking,_

_That never takes a chance._

_It's the one, who can't be taken,_

_Who cannot seem to give,_

_And the soul, afraid of dyin'_

_The never learns to live._

_When the night has been too lonely,_

_And the road has been too long._

_And you think that love is only._

_For the lucky and the strong_

_Just remember in the winter_

_Far beneath the bitter snows_

_Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,_

_In the spring becomes the rose._

2105 EST

29 March 1991

Recovery Room A

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Bethesda, Maryland

I sit next toMac's gurney, her hand in mine. I won't leave her, I won't. Or at least until she wakes up. I take a moment to look at my beloved Sarah. Her eyes are closed and her breathing steady, telling me that she is really sleeping. Mac has been known to pull an all nighter and the only way that you can be sure that she's actually sleeping is by her breathing.

Her long brown hair is pulled back in a simple ponytail at the base of her neck, something that she did this morning at 0700 before she was rolled down to surgery. Mac never wears her hair down, something that comes from playing years of sports and years of being in the military.

I love this woman with all my heart and I just wish that this had never had happened to her. I wish that it had been me who had been captured. If only…

1703 EST

27 May 1991

Lt. Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment

Apartment 204

Georgetown Heights Apartments

Georgetown

I smile as Harm pushes the wheelchair into my apartment. I turn on the lights and smile. Harm has been here and has dusted, vacuumed, and basically picked up because, knowing him, this place has been a mess since he's been staying here. It's been a rough couple of months but I am glad to be back home and to have Harm by my side.

"How do you like it?"

"It's great to be home. You've kept this place in good order, haven't you?"

"Yes but I spent all of last night cleaning this place. I don't think that your neighbors liked that."

"They can deal with it." I say and smile, "Thank you so much, Harm."

"You're welcome."

I look up into his deep blue-green eyes, "I love you." I say quietly.

"I love you too." He says and kisses me gently.

I smile. We've come a long way in just a few short months. But I think that I still need more time. But for right now, I'm just happy that I can be here, laying in Harm's arms.

**End Chapter Four.**


	5. Chapter Five: These Moments

**Authors' Notes:** As usual, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. Enjoy this last chapter before the next story begins!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own JAG nor I own the song _Will You Marry Me?_ which is by Alabama

**Chapter Five: These Moments**

0956 EST

25 December 1991

Lt. Commander Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment

Apartment 204

Georgetown Heights Apartment

Georgetown

"Mac, c'mon. Get up. It's Christmas Morning." I say, ticking her shoulder.

"Harm, it's only 0956. I don't want to get up."

"Mac, it's Christmas morning."

"I don't care. I want to sleep in. Get me up in four minutes." Mac says, burying her head in her pillow.

"Alright fine. I'm going to put some coffee on." I say, getting up and throwing on a Naval Academy t-shirt. Mac and I are both attending Georgetown Law School and have pretty much moved in together. I still have my apartment but I like Mac's better. We still haven't gotten back to where we were years ago but we're working on it.

While Mac sleeps, I open the back door to her apartment and pick up the box that's out there.

I open the box and pull out Mac's Christmas present this year and smile before going back into the bedroom.

"Okay, sailor, it's been four minutes." I say, pulling off the comforter.

"No it hasn't." she says, her voice muffed by the pillow.

"Okay, Mac, you asked for it." I say as I put down her Christmas present.

"Harm! What the hell?" she says as the present starts licking her neck.

"Turn over and look." I say as I try not to laugh.

She rolls over to find the all-black puppy staring at her, "Harm! It's a puppy!"

"I know that."

"It's so cute." She says, sitting up and picking the puppy up.

"She's a Newfoundland. I know that you always wanted one."

"She's beautiful, Harm. Does she have a name yet?"

"Nope. I told the breeder that you would want to name her." I say, sitting down next to her on the bed.

"Shadow. Her name is Shadow." Mac declares, kissing the puppy's soft fur, "Thank you, Harm. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." I say as I kiss her temple.

"A puppy!"

2105 EST

25 December 1992

Lt. Commander Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment

Apartment 204

Georgetown Heights Apartments

Georgetown

"You know, Harm, it's still Christmas." I say, pulling the blanket closer to me. Harm and I are stretched out in front of the fireplace, my head on his chest and he's playing with my hair.

"It's only 2105, Mac. Why did you forget to give me something?"

"Well, not quite forget but rather I can't give it to you."

"Well, when can you give it to me?"

"In about nine months." I say and sit up.

"Really. In nine months? Nine months will be September."

"Harm, c'mon. You have a degree from the Academy and you're a bright boy. You can figure out what's gonna happen in nine months."

I can the realization dawn as he smiles, "You mean you're…"

"The word is pregnant, Harm."

"As in you and I are gonna have a baby."

"You hit the target with supreme accuracy, Mr. Rabb." I say and smile. Shadow's curled up in front the fire, apparently asleep.

"You mean that we're going to be parents?"

"Yes, it does."

"Good Lord." He says, "I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Harm." I say as I lean down to kiss him.

"Parents…I can't believe it."

0356 EST

12 September 1993

Delivery Room

Georgetown University Hospital

Georgetown

"Harm! What's the news?" my mother calls as she spots me walking out of the delivery room.

"Mom, you are now the proud grandmother of Lucia Kirsten Rabb and Harmon David Rabb, the third."

"Oh, Harm, what wonderful names. How's Mac doing?"

"She fine but she said to tell that the babies will be called David and Lucy." I say. Mac was determined to use Lucy, which the name of her favorite aunt.

"Congratulations, Harm." Frank says as we shake hands.

"I can't believe I have great-grandchildren, Harmon!" Gram says as she hugs me.

"I can't believe I'm a father, Grams." I say as I smile at her.

"Harm, you are going to call Mac's parents. They have a right to know that they have grandchildren."

"Mac doesn't want t and I have to respect her wishes."

"If that's what Mac wants, then you can fight her on it." Mom says, "Now, we can I see my grandchildren?"

"As soon as they are in the nursery. They're bringing Mac to a private room right now."

"Go, be with Mac. Tell we love her."

"I will." I say as I kiss Mom's cheek, shake Frank's hand and hug Grams."

I walk into Mac's room to find her asleep and smile as I kiss her cheek. I love this woman so much. She means everything to me.

2004 EST

23 September 1995

The Rose Garden Restaurant

Old Alexandria, Virginia

As the waiter sets down pieces of chocolate cake for Harm and me, I smile happily over at him. It's been awhile since we have been out without the kids. It's really hard to get out with two year old twins! "Thank you so much. This has been one of my best birthdays ever."

"I'm glad that you are having a good time. You still haven't opened your presents." He says, gesturing down at the brightly wrapped package that sits at my feet.

"I was going to wait for us to go for a stroll in the garden."

"No, you have to open this one now. The other one has to wait for when we do go outside."

I laugh and finish the last bite of my cake. Pushing my plate back, I lift the present onto my lap. Ripping the paper, I gasp when I find a framed copy of my jurice doctrine and also of my Naval Justice School certification, "Harm, how in world did you get this?"  
"They arrived at our house before you could get the mail. I snatched them and didn't tell you. Congratulations, Sarah."

I smile at him before putting them back in the box, "Shall we take our walk now?"

He smiles as he helps me up and together, we head out to the lighted rose garden. Harm leads me into a secluded corner and motions for me to sit down on the bench. I gently place my certificates next to me and gasp when he kneels down on one knee and pulls out a small velvet box, which holds my engagement ring from when we were engaged all those years ago, "Sarah, I know that we have had our ups and our downs, but love is the one thing in our lives that will never change. No matter which ship you are on or which base I'm stationed at, our love will remain true and strong. Sarah, I fell in love with you when I first saw you in your uniform at the Academy, the goggles pulled down over your beautiful brown eyes. Like that song, you had me from hello. You are my one true friend, the part that makes me whole, and the only one who knows me better than I know myself. I love you, flygirl. Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, will you marry me?"

I gasp and feel the tears running down my cheeks, "I love you, Harmon Rabb and yes, I will marry you."

He smiles and slips the ring onto my hand before kissing me, "I love you," Just then a song comes on over the speakers, "May I have this dance?" he asks.

"I would be honored." I say as I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

_I come here today, I'm kind of nervous_

_You know how words get in my way_

_It should come easy, I've been rehearsing_

_I don't know why I'm so afraid_

_Will you marry me?_

_Put our life and love together_

_Will you stay with me?_

_For always and forever_

_On bended knee, would you take this ring_

_Will you marry me, please?  
Will you marry me?_

As we sway to the music, I recognize the voice that's singing the song. It's Harm! "Harm, are you singing?"

He smiles, "Yeah. I went to one of those places where you can record your voice and then asked the restaurant to play it for us."

"Thank you, it's wonderful." I say as I kiss him.

"Listen," he says as he starts singing along with the music.

_To be with you is what I live for_

_But at this moment I confess_

_Though I love you, God knows I love you_

_Deep down inside I'm scared to death_

_Will you marry me?_

_Put our life and love together_

_Will you stay with me?_

_For always and forever_

_On bended knee, would you take this ring_

_Will you marry me, please?  
Will you marry me?_

_On bended knee, would you take this ring_

_Will you marry me, please?  
Will you marry me?_

It has been a long and confusing journey but I can take comfort that nothing, not even death, will tear Harm and me apart.

1856 EST

12 December 1994

The Rabb Residence

263 Woodsfield Street

Alexandria, Virginia

"Hey Harm." I say as I open up an envelope.

"Yeah, Mac?" he says from the computer where he's working on his latest case.

"You interested in going to a reunion?"

**End Chapter Five.**


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